How Do You Respond to Difficulties? Part of My Breastfeeding Story

If you know me well, you most likely know I'm a fighter. If you're in my family, you most definitely know that about me. If you know me and don't really like me all the time, well, I'm assuming it's partly my pig-headedness.

I have a hard time taking "no" for the final answer. My mind always scrambles for an alternative when I run into a wall, or someone tells me it can't be done. Even if I agree that we've run into an impossibility, I want to push through and figure out what can be done instead to solve the problem or get me what I want.

Motherhood, and specifically breastfeeding, certainly has plenty of challenges and difficulties. Since frustration makes me fight, I've been able to fight through some of the challenges without thinking twice.

When Big J was sent to the NICU and fed formula "because my milk hadn't come in yet" (That phrase needs to die. Seriously, it's so damaging and so wrong.), I pumped and pumped and pumped. When I was sent home and Big J wasn't, I left the hospital as late as they would let me so I could nurse him at 11pm or so, then I pumped every 3 hours overnight, then I got to the hospital again in the morning so I could nurse him first thing.

Nursing in the NICU

I only had to do this for 2 nights, so I don't know how my strategy would have changed if I would have had to do it longer, but I was determined to breastfeed, and not pump for every feeding.

My goal was clear, but there were many things standing in my way, mostly hospital policies. That first day, when Big J's blood sugar was "low" (here is Dr Jen explaining why I put "low" in quotations) and they took him away, instead him getting a few milliliters of colostrum, they fed him 30ml of formula. THIRTY. Then, they said, with concern in their voices, "He's not digesting the formula. It's just sitting in his tummy, not helping to raise his blood sugar."

With my worry, I felt even more driven to pump. At first, it took 15 minutes to pump a few ml of colostrum. Those tiny little vials of golden first-milk were so precious to me! The nurses insisted he still get 30ml of food, so incrementally, his meals were increasingly more breastmilk and less formula.

When my mature milk started to flow, I could easily pump 8-10 ounces in a sitting. HELLO oversupply! I didn't know that pumping so much would create a struggle with oversupply, which made my letdown very aggressive and my supply overwhelming. What's the problem with oversupply and an aggressive letdown? When my breast was full, the full mammary glands would put pressure on the back side of the areola and nipple, making it very difficult for a tiny mouth to make a sealed latch. Once the milk started flowing with the letdown, it was kind of like trying to drink from a hose by putting your mouth entirely around it. Poor Big J! It's not surprising he came to prefer bottles!

If only I would have known then what I know now. Engorgement happens. Once the mature milk starts being produced, your hormones tell your body to make milk like crazy, and your breasts don't pay much attention to the demand (yet). They tend to feel full and heavy, except for right after your baby nurses. If I would have gotten help from someone who really knew what they were talking about, they would have helped me shape the areola and nipple so a tiny mouth could create a good latch. It's called reverse-pressure softening, and it really works. I put a towel loosely over my nipple to catch the inevitable spray, and you gently press the areola with your thumb and index finger, squeezing out the milk that is overfilling the glands right below the areola. The idea is to make a nipple surrounded by indented areola so the baby can latch onto the areola and not just the nipple.

Also, after my milk had switched over to mature milk, I wish someone would have told me to pump only what Big J was eating. Babies eat only 19-30 ounces in a day, so pumping 8 every few hours was waaaaay too much! Not only is it hard for a baby to nurse when a mom has oversupply, it can lead to plugged ducts in mom, and the dreaded mastis. *shudder* The baby can also experience reflux-like behavior because the quick flow can cause them to gulp air or eat too much too fast.

So how did I eventually wean Big J off of bottles? Determination, and trying and trying and trying again. There were many days that I looked to N and admitted that I didn't know if it would ever work. Finally, I found a strategy that worked: Pump a bottle, start a hungry Big J drinking from the bottle. After he had gotten into the groove on the bottle, and was calm and in "serious newborn eating mode" (eyes closed, rhythmic swallows, little fists tightly balled up), I would deftly pop out the bottle nipple, and pop mine in. He protested this for a few days, but then one day, he complained, then tucked right back in to nurse on me. ON ME! It took a few times of back and forth, tricking him to just take me, but he finally did, and I quit pumping. My oversupply fixed itself at one of the hormonally-regulated checks, and we nursed for the next 11 months.

I thought for a long time that at 11 months, he just weaned himself. We had introduced solids, and he was a good eater, so I thought it was normal. Nope! In hindsight, it was a very aggressive nursing strike on his part. You see, he had a very bad cold, and couldn't breathe through his nose while nursing, and so refused to nurse (since babies will always choose breathing over eating, every time). If I would have known then what I know now, I would have pumped and offered him milk in a cup. I was pregnant with Middle E, so he might have also been frustrated with a supply change or a change in taste.

I also would have tried to keep up a supply for Middle E, who weaned at 14 months. I was pregnant with Little J, so I assumed my milk had dried up. It's possible it did, but if I would have worked harder to preserve that breastfeeding relationship, my body would have eventually started to make milk again, and Middle E would have benefited from a reinvigorated supply. Plus, since she's the most spirited of my babies so far, it would have been great to be able to calm her furies with a nice cuddly nursing session!

At birth she already had an aggressive latch!

Today, Little J had one of his many nursing strikes, where he would not be interested in nursing unless very sleepy. Any little noise or annoyance that would make him more alert would remind him that he was more interested in everything other than nursing. And he also refused take a bottle, either.

So here's how I finally got him to take some milk.I hand expressed into a shot glass (it was a Vegas shot glass and everything), then slowly gave him a few drops at a time with a dropper. Sound like a pain? It certainly was. The big kids (shown circling in the picture) were hungry and crabbing and ended up down late for nap, but Little J sucessfully drank about an ounce drop by drop.

When he woke up from his nap, he was sleepy and thirsty and forgot he was on a strike, and nursed very well, finally. I have no idea why he went on strike, but I know he's not trying to wean himself or something, and that it's my job to support him through whatever difficulty he's experiencing, now and for the rest of my life.

Learning and relearning the ropes.